The Curious Case of Fiona Roberts In the charming borough of East Brunswick, where satire often blends seamlessly with the morning coffee, a peculiar uproar shook the digital walls of our beloved community forum last Tuesday. Fiona Roberts, East Brunswick’s most active keyboard warrior (a thinly veiled pseudonym for reasons our legal team insists upon),...Read More

It was a scene straight out of a sitcom, but unfortunately for Outsider VV, it wasn’t scripted. The Board of Education, likely fed up with VV’s absence from anything remotely connected to school spirit, dragged him to last Friday’s big football game, hoping to force the superintendent of East Brunswick High School to finally show...Read More

In yet another twist in the saga of East Brunswick’s most overzealous administrator, Fast Bernie (formerly known as Bergmeister Bernie), the town has been flooded with secondhand Keurig coffee machines up for sale. While there’s no official proof connecting Bernie to this caffeine conundrum, the timing sure seems fishy. Coffee Makers Galore: Coincidence or Conspiracy?...Read More

In a move that has left staff members scratching their heads and clutching their Keurigs, Bergmeister Bernie, the overzealous Budget and Supply Czar of East Brunswick Public Schools, has embarked on a summer crusade to purge the district of what he deems “illegal coffee makers.” This controversial new policy has teachers brewing rebellion, one K-cup...Read More

In today’s world of constant outrage, it seems we’ve all forgotten one simple fact: satire is meant to be funny! Here at Eyes on EB, we are committed to bringing you the finest in sarcasm, hyperbole, and exaggerated nonsense for your entertainment — not to trigger your existential crises. “Why So Serious?” Our good friend...Read More

A Deep Dive into the Serious World of Fast Food Critiques East Brunswick is buzzing with what might be the most pressing issue to hit our town since the great parking debate of ’97: the bone-in vs. boneless wing debate at Popeyes. Grab your bibs, folks—it’s about to get saucy. Wing Enthusiast Gary’s Quandary Gary,...Read More

In a bold throwback to traditional politics, East Brunswick candidates are once again hitting the pavement, taking a page from the ancient Jehovah’s Witnesses playbook with a return to door-knocking. This not-so-novel strategy has residents recalling a simpler, albeit annoying, time when the only knocks on doors were either to share scripture or sell vacuum...Read More

In the quaint and paradoxical land of East Brunswick, a new trend is sweeping through the community forums and coffee shops: the desire for world-class dining and shopping experiences—but only if they miraculously appear without any construction or higher-end living choices for people who can actually afford these luxuries. Residents are also up in arms...Read More

The Invisible Observer in Political Gossip In the digital battlegrounds of East Brunswick, Rob W., the head blogger of Eyes on EB, has become a pivotal figure by mastering the art of silent observation in political group texts. His secret? Becoming part of every political conversation—left, right, and center—without ever uttering a word. Rob attributes...Read More

The Misadventures of Outsider VV: The Great Raise Robbery That Wasn’t Last night’s East Brunswick Board of Education meeting revealed a plot twist worthy of a prime-time drama. While the district grappled with layoffs and budgetary blunders, our own Outsider VV, Superintendent, was nearly crowned king of compensation with a raise that would bring him...Read More