It’s official, folks! Word from multiple sources has confirmed the unthinkable: we’ve got some haters. Yes, the very same East Brunswick residents who secretly scroll through our blog with the brightness turned down on their phones to avoid being caught are now asking their “friends” (do they even have any?) not to comment or like our page and certainty don’t trust it.
But fear not, dear readers. We know you’re out there. With over 3,000 hits per month on our humble little corner of the internet, it’s clear that while the haters are plotting their silent rebellion, the rest of you are hanging on to every word we write. Let’s take a closer look at this new wave of anti-Eyes-on-EB sentiment—and laugh all the way to the comments section.
The Silent Protest: “Liking Without Liking”
“Honestly, I don’t want people to know I read Eyes on EB,” said an anonymous resident we’ll call Brenda S. “But I can’t help myself. The satire, the scandals, the bold reporting on local microwaves—it’s all so real. But I’m not giving them a like. No way. That would be, like, validating their work.”
Ah, yes, Brenda S., the classic case of liking without liking. You want the content, but you can’t risk the social credit score hit of actually engaging. But you know what they say: if you’re reading it, we’ve already won.
The “Friends” Campaign: Don’t Be Fooled by Fake News
In a shocking development, our sources tell us that a small but vocal group of residents have started asking their friends to boycott our page.
“It’s just too much. They’re everywhere,” claimed Paul T., a man we imagine is still confused about the difference between a meme and a blog post. “I told my friends, ‘Don’t like it. Don’t comment. If we all stick together, we can bring them down.’”
Well, Paul T., we have news for you: we’re still here, and the views keep climbing. While you’re busy rallying the troops, we’ll be sitting here basking in the glow of our ever-growing readership. Keep those “don’t like” campaigns coming—we’ll take the free publicity.
Eyes on EB: Haters Gonna Hate
Despite the whispers, the quiet scrolling, and the attempts to stage a resistance in secret Facebook groups, Eyes on EB remains the go-to source for everything that makes East Brunswick, well, East Brunswick. Whether it’s a deep dive into the local coffee maker crisis or a hard-hitting piece on the battle for parking spaces at the local ShopRite, we’re not going anywhere.
“I’m just here for the drama,” said Greg L., a man who has no clue why he started following us in the first place. “But now I’m hooked. It’s like a soap opera, except it’s real life…sort of.”
So, to all our loyal readers, the ones who hit our site month after month but are afraid to show some love publicly: we see you. And we thank you. Keep reading, keep lurking, and maybe—just maybe—leave a like next time.
Or don’t. We know you’re out there either way.
