When Bureaucracy Bites Harder Than a Rabid Raccoon

Ah, East Brunswick in springtime. The flowers bloom, the birds sing, and the townsfolk emerge from hibernation to argue over rabies tags on Facebook. It’s a local tradition, really.

This year’s main event? A full-on Facebook Forum Frenzy over pet license renewals. It started innocently enough—someone’s paperwork got lost in the vortex of municipal mail, and suddenly the East Brunswick Helping Each Other group transformed into a courtroom drama starring… canceled checks.

“Do you have a canceled check?” asked O.P., who sounded less like a neighbor and more like a low-budget Perry Mason.

Meanwhile, R.S. cut to the chase with what may become the official slogan of the township:
“East Brunswick up to some shady shit now.”
(A strong contender for the next welcome sign.)

At this point, enter L.S.H., who we can only assume is the town’s self-appointed Rabies Compliance Officer, wielding state law like a samurai sword:

“The vaccine requirements are mandated by the state to keep control over rabies.”

She’s not wrong. According to the New Jersey Department of Health, rabies vaccinations are required for all dogs over 7 months old and for all cats that venture outdoors. Townships can refuse to issue licenses if your Fluffy’s shot expires before October 31 of the current licensing year. That’s right: your poodle’s paperwork might be more carefully reviewed than your mortgage.

Of course, our favorite part was the comment thread detour where someone tried to clarify they were simply referring to early vaccination.
“Ah,” L.S.H. replied (paraphrasing here), “I wasn’t addressing the drama. I was addressing the pre-drama.”

Then there was D.J., who name-dropped E.R. like it was high school and he just spotted her in the hallway.

“Elizabeth Russo”
— Dave Jonaitis, probably while sipping a coffee and dramatically nodding.

JMK (the hero we didn’t know we needed) dropped a few cheeky comments, reminding everyone that the best way to navigate a rabies paperwork scandal is with state-level awareness, local-level sarcasm, and screenshots. She even brought up the long-lost art of dropping things off in the clerk’s drop box—a practice as ancient as, well, municipal efficiency.

The whole saga raises important questions:

• Can your dog be denied a license because their rabies vaccine expires one day too early?

• Will East Brunswick ever trust the U.S. Mail again?

• And most importantly… is someone secretly hoarding all the canceled checks?

In the end, JMK remains undefeated in the comment section—smart, witty, and probably halfway through reading NJSA Title 4 on animal control laws.

So next time you get a renewal letter in the mail, take a moment to whisper a thank-you to the unseen warriors of Facebook who paved the way with their drama, documentation, and digital duels.

And for the love of Dog, keep a copy of your canceled check.