While Burgermeister Bernie is busy playing kitchen cop and liberating microwaves from East Brunswick teachers’ lounges, there’s an actual financial fiasco that demands his attention. Enter Rebecca S. Dean, a pediatric therapist and the protagonist of a true school district drama—her escapades make Bernie’s appliance heists look like a bake sale gone wrong.
Dean’s “Therapeutic” Accounting Skills
Rebecca Dean, formerly of Martinsville, recently earned herself a shiny new title: “The Woman Who Ripped Off Two School Districts and Lost Her License.” Dean managed to bill the Edison and East Brunswick school districts for over $275,000 in services that were as real as Bernie’s love for extra Keurigs.
From 2016 to 2018, Dean submitted fraudulent invoices to Edison, pocketing $75,000 for therapy sessions that never happened. When the scam unraveled, East Brunswick took a closer look at its own records. Surprise! They discovered Dean had overbilled them by more than $200,000 over a decade.
Meanwhile, Bernie is busy calculating how many microwaves equal one district-wide tax increase.
The Cost of Not Paying Attention
East Brunswick and Edison schools are out more than $700,000, all because someone didn’t double-check invoices. But why focus on boring old numbers when you can stage a covert mission to remove Mr. Coffee?
Dean’s sentencing in June 2023 resulted in three years’ probation and a hefty restitution bill of $704,077.89. She was also banned from public school employment and stripped of her occupational therapist certificate. The State Board of Examiners called her conduct “unbecoming,” but honestly, she might’ve fit right into Bernie’s kitchen police squad.
Bernie’s Priorities: Coffee Makers > Criminals
Let’s be real. Bernie probably saw Rebecca Dean’s headline and thought, “Fake invoices? Unethical. But microwaves in the teacher’s lounge? That’s a real scandal.” While the district hemorrhaged money for services that didn’t exist, Bernie was likely plotting his next coffee machine crackdown.
Had Bernie been channeling his energy into, oh, auditing expenses, maybe East Brunswick wouldn’t be facing financial potholes deeper than Route 18 after a snowstorm. But nope—why stop a scam when you can stop snacks?
A Lesson for Bernie
So, Burgermeister Bernie, here’s some unsolicited advice: Stop obsessing over small appliances and start paying attention to big numbers. Because the real crime here isn’t the extra toaster oven hiding in the science lab; it’s the $200,000-plus that walked out the door under your watch.
Your legacy could be about fiscal responsibility, or it could be about the Great Keurig Purge of 2024. Choose wisely, Burgermeister .
