Eyes on EB Has Been a Little Too Serious Lately… So Let’s Have Some Fun!
East Brunswick residents awoke this morning to a sky so suspiciously streaked with smoke that Facebook’s finest minds immediately took action. Was it jet fuel? A government experiment? Or perhaps the long-awaited return of the Chemtrail Cabal™, determined to keep the masses under control through an elaborate cloud-based mind-control scheme?
The investigation began with one brave local hero.
“Strange, why are planes in the middle of the night spraying smoke all over the sky right now?” – Carlos H, 9 hours ago.
Carlos, sounding the alarm like a modern-day Paul Revere (but instead of warning about the British, he’s warning about, uh… the sky), set off an intellectual battle royale in the comment section.
The Rational Science Perspective (a.k.a. The “Sheep” Response)
Susan A, clearly a government plant (or possibly a paid contrail apologist), attempted to douse the flames of panic with some “facts.”
“These clouds are contrails, short for condensation trails. Water vapor is one of the byproducts of jet fuel combustion…”
Okay, Susan. Or should we say… Agent Ashter?
Enter the Tin Foil Hat Police
Diane C, donning the digital sheriff’s badge of Facebook Science Enforcement, wasn’t about to let any wild theories spiral out of control.
“Not according to the conspiracy theorists… LOL! I swear there are far too many ‘tin foil hat wearers’ in this world!”
A round of highly intellectual discourse followed, featuring counterarguments like:
“You left out flat earthers.” – Jimmy C
“Break time.” – Matthew L (who, presumably, was too exhausted from carrying the weight of society’s collective IQ.)
But just when it seemed like common sense was prevailing, a rogue operative entered the chat:
WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
Angela P, presumably wearing a custom “Trust No One” hoodie and operating from an undisclosed bunker, set the record straight:
“If they don’t disappear within minutes AND leave lines in our skies then they are chemtrails. If they do disappear, then they are contrails! WAKE UP PEOPLE!!! WAKE UP!!!”
And just like that, the Facebook Department of Aerospace Science & Beverage Conspiracies was back in session.
The Final Verdict?
After hours of heated debate, cryptic emoji responses (✈️☠️🤡), and one suspiciously well-produced YouTube video linked by Jimmy C, the jury remains very much out.
Harold Z, a late-night skywatcher, added to the confusion:
“I saw that right across a bright moon tonight and wondered the same thing!”
So the question remains: Are we witnessing harmless contrails, or are we all being microdosed by the government’s airborne regret fog?
Final Thoughts:
- If you think it’s contrails, you’re a sheep.
- If you think it’s chemtrails, you’re a lunatic.
- If you just came to laugh at the comments, congratulations, you’re the real winner.
We’ll be back with more hard-hitting journalism when someone spots a drone that’s “definitely watching them.”
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