When Men Just Can’t Take a Joke

Women Love Eyes on EB—Their Husbands, Not So Much

There’s a new epidemic sweeping East Brunswick, and no, it’s not another tax increase—it’s Eyes on EB Derangement Syndrome (EOEB-DS). It primarily affects middle-aged men who take life way too seriously, spend too much time being outraged, and have completely lost their ability to make their wives laugh.

Ladies, if your husband sighs dramatically every time you share an Eyes on EB post, mutters “That’s not even funny” under his breath, and spends his evenings writing angry rebuttals instead of, well… being useful, you might be dealing with a full-blown case.

“Why Are You Laughing?”

The symptoms usually start small. Maybe he just rolls his eyes when you chuckle at a post about secret BOE meetings. But soon, it escalates.

Suddenly, he’s slamming his phone down in disgust, ranting about misinformation while you’re wiping away tears of laughter. He starts mumbling, “This isn’t journalism,” as if Eyes on EB ever claimed to be The New York Times.

Before long, his resentment takes full form:

• Sighing heavily when you share a post – Because heaven forbid you enjoy a little harmless fun.
• “You actually think this is funny?”** –** Yes, Chad, because unlike you, I still have a sense of humor.
• “You know, this guy just stirs the pot” – And yet, you’re the one about to give yourself a stroke over it.
• Talking about local politics like he’s on CNN – Meanwhile, he has yet to figure out how to put the fitted sheet on the bed properly.

Women Want to Laugh, Not Lecture

East Brunswick wives just want a little fun. Their husbands, however, have other plans. Instead of cracking jokes or—God forbid—bringing any entertainment into the marriage, they’ve dedicated themselves to being local politics scholars.

“I just wanted to giggle at a post about our town’s endless secret meetings,” says Melissa, whose husband has been suffering from EOEB-DS for months. “Next thing I know, I’m getting a 30-minute TED Talk on fiscal responsibility. I zoned out halfway through and started thinking about how I married a man who hasn’t made me laugh since 2017.”

The Great Divide

While the men of East Brunswick are busy huffing and puffing over town drama, the women have found a new source of joy. Eyes on EB has become their escape from husbands who take themselves too seriously—because, let’s be honest, if he had half as much passion for date night as he does for Facebook debates, we wouldn’t be here.

“It’s not just the blog,” says Jessica, who’s been secretly screenshotting her husband’s unhinged comments for the group chat. “He takes everything so seriously. He can name every town council member but forgot our anniversary last year. If I want to laugh, it’s Eyes on EB. If I want disappointment, well, he’s sitting right there.”

Even Dating is Ruined by EOEB-DS

It’s not just married couples feeling the strain—single women are struggling too. More and more, women in East Brunswick are realizing that a man’s reaction to Eyes on EB is a direct predictor of whether he’s worth their time. If he laughs along? Potential keeper. If he rolls his eyes and mutters about “people being too obsessed with town drama”? That’s a huge red flag.

“I went on a date last week,” says Erica, 32. “He saw me scrolling Eyes on EB and actually said, ‘Oh, you’re one of those people?’ Like, excuse me? One of what? Someone who enjoys laughing? Someone who doesn’t take life too seriously? Someone who isn’t going to spend an hour explaining local politics like it’s a TED Talk no one asked for? Yeah, no thanks.”

And let’s be real—if he can’t handle Eyes on EB, there are two things we already know:

1. He will never make a woman laugh.
2. He is, as we’ve already established, bad in bed.

Men, It’s Time to Step Up Your Fun Game

Now, here’s where the satire ends and the facts begin—our statistics show that 70% of Eyes on EB’s audience are women, while only 30% are men. That means two things:

1. Women are clearly having way more fun than the guys.
2. Men need to seriously step up their game.

If more men learned to relax, take a joke, and actually enjoy a bit of Eyes on EB satire, maybe they wouldn’t be so miserable all the time. And who knows? Maybe—just maybe—they’d finally be able to make their wives laugh for a change.

Consider this your wake-up call, gentlemen.

Can These Men Be Saved?

For women suffering through this, there are a few coping strategies:

1. Send Him Outside – Maybe a little fresh air and some manual labor will remind him what real problems look like.
2. Laugh Harder – The angrier he gets, the funnier it becomes. Double down.
3. Stop Engaging – Next time he starts an “educational” rant, just nod and pretend to listen while you mentally plan your next girls’ night.
4. Consider an Upgrade – If he’s really beyond help, well, the town’s got plenty of single men. And rumor has it, they laugh at satire.

At the end of the day, Eyes on EB is here to entertain, and if your husband can’t handle that? Maybe it’s time he focuses on making you laugh for a change. You know… among other things.

Stay strong, ladies. We see you.