Wake-Watching

Here at Eyes On EB, we take our commitment to neutrality seriously, especially regarding elections. That’s why we’re keeping mum on the name of the local elected official who’s taken a novel approach to campaigning—by crashing community wakes to win hearts and votes. It’s an unusual strategy, but hey, who are we to judge the hustle?

Mourning or Meeting?

Imagine you’re mourning the loss of a loved one, tears streaming down your face, when suddenly, between sobs, you hear the familiar jingle of a campaign slogan. Yes, that’s right—our very own local politician, let’s call him “Ron”, has been spotted offering condolences and campaign buttons in the same handshake. And he’s been surprisingly active, appearing at wakes and funerals across the area,  of the deceased’s political leanings.

“I thought it was strange when a man in a suit approached me, clasping my hand a little too eagerly,” said Mary Smithson, a local who recently attended her aunt’s wake. “He handed me a ‘Vote for Ron’ sicker along with a tissue. At first, I thought it was a thoughtful gesture, then I realized I didn’t even know him.”

Crossing the Line?

But “Ron’t selective—no wake is too small or too out of the way. Another attendee, who preferred to remain anonymous, shared his bewilderment at seeing “Ron” at his friend’s wake, a quiet affair. “He was there, shaking hands and sharing stories about fiscal responsibility. It’s comforting to know our tax dollars are being used to support grief outreach, right?”

We understand politicians attending fairs, town farm markets, and even those bad carnivals with questionable rides and even more questionable corn dogs. Every event in town has seen its share of glad-handing and baby-kissing. But wakes? That’s a new frontier.

Critics have called this tactic everything from “morbidly ingenious” to “distastefully opportunistic.” But according to “Ron,” it’s all about being with his constituents in times of need. “What better way to understand the community’s concerns than by sharing in their moments of loss? It’s about building connections that last—beyond just the good times,” he explained, while subtly checking off names in a funeral guest book.

Community Response

In light of these events, some locals have started to take precautions. The East Brunswick Community Center has reportedly set up a “No Campaigning” sign at the entrance of their memorial services. Yet, our enterprising politico has not been deterred, viewing it as just another hurdle in his relentless pursuit of public service.

At Eyes On EB, while we won’t disclose “Ron’s” real identity for fear of influencing the polls, we recommend keeping an eye on your local wakes—you might just meet your next town representative, whether you want to or not. In the meantime, we’ll be here to cover every handshake and condolence-turned-campaign-pitch, providing you with the latest in local election creativity.