How It All Began
It started with a single, gloriously honest post in East Brunswick Freecycle from S.B.:
“Very fake designer purse, ugly too. Porch pick-up.”
In the photo, a wannabe-luxury satchel lounged on S.B.’s hardwood floor like a tired house-cat—except cats usually have better self-respect. The bag’s houndstooth wool belly clashed with a high-gloss monogram shell, and the once-creamy strap now looked like a sun-burnt snake shedding its skin. One glance and you could practically hear fashion icons weeping in the distance.
Comment Section Carnage
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A.K.R. swiped left faster than a bad Tinder match: “Not interested, next please.”
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J.R. offered comic relief: “I’ll take ten! 🤣”
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R.W. (ever the opportunist) mourned the missed holiday: “Too bad Mother’s Day is over!”
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D.M. chimed in, claiming her daughter’s eternal love for all things free.
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D.R., M.M., and M.S. added laugh-reactions, gifs, and more memes than a Reddit thread on a Friday night.
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L.V.L. even suggested S.B. change careers: “Your sales copy is so fresh and unique!”—proof that snark can, in fact, double as a résumé builder.
A Closer Look at the Crime Scene
Zoom in on that strap. See the beige flakes? That’s not vintage patina; that’s a leather meltdown of biblical proportion. The poor thing looks like it lost a fight with an industrial cheese grater. Meanwhile, the brass corners—clinging on for dear life—seem to whisper, “We were promised Paris; we got porch-pickup.”
The Podcast Pitch
Naturally, R.W. invited whoever dares adopt this Franken-bag onto the Eyes on EB podcast. Imagine the episode:
“Episode #127 – ‘When Louis Met Houndstooth: A Love Story Gone Wrong’”
Free publicity and a fashion cautionary tale? Chef’s kiss. 👌
Moral of the Story
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One person’s trash can indeed unite an entire Facebook group in communal laughter.
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If you’re going to flex faux fashion, at least make sure the strap isn’t exfoliating itself in public.
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Always keep screenshots—because the internet never forgets, and neither does Eyes on EB.
So, who took the plunge and picked it up? We’re waiting, microphone in hand. Bring the bag (and maybe a hazmat suit), and let’s talk about the day East Brunswick collectively roasted the ugliest purse on the planet.
Stay tuned, stay stylish—preferably with intact straps—and keep your eyes on EB.
