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The Great Faux-LV Fiasco of East Brunswick

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How It All Began

It started with a single, gloriously honest post in East Brunswick Freecycle from S.B.:

“Very fake designer purse, ugly too. Porch pick-up.”

In the photo, a wannabe-luxury satchel lounged on S.B.’s hardwood floor like a tired house-cat—except cats usually have better self-respect. The bag’s houndstooth wool belly clashed with a high-gloss monogram shell, and the once-creamy strap now looked like a sun-burnt snake shedding its skin. One glance and you could practically hear fashion icons weeping in the distance.

Comment Section Carnage

  • A.K.R. swiped left faster than a bad Tinder match: “Not interested, next please.”

  • J.R. offered comic relief: “I’ll take ten! ?”

  • R.W. (ever the opportunist) mourned the missed holiday: “Too bad Mother’s Day is over!”

  • D.M. chimed in, claiming her daughter’s eternal love for all things free.

  • D.R., M.M., and M.S. added laugh-reactions, gifs, and more memes than a Reddit thread on a Friday night.

  • L.V.L. even suggested S.B. change careers: “Your sales copy is so fresh and unique!”—proof that snark can, in fact, double as a résumé builder.

A Closer Look at the Crime Scene

Zoom in on that strap. See the beige flakes? That’s not vintage patina; that’s a leather meltdown of biblical proportion. The poor thing looks like it lost a fight with an industrial cheese grater. Meanwhile, the brass corners—clinging on for dear life—seem to whisper, “We were promised Paris; we got porch-pickup.”

The Podcast Pitch

Naturally, R.W. invited whoever dares adopt this Franken-bag onto the Eyes on EB podcast. Imagine the episode:

“Episode #127 – ‘When Louis Met Houndstooth: A Love Story Gone Wrong’”

Free publicity and a fashion cautionary tale? Chef’s kiss. ?

Moral of the Story

  1. One person’s trash can indeed unite an entire Facebook group in communal laughter.

  2. If you’re going to flex faux fashion, at least make sure the strap isn’t exfoliating itself in public.

  3. Always keep screenshots—because the internet never forgets, and neither does Eyes on EB.

So, who took the plunge and picked it up? We’re waiting, microphone in hand. Bring the bag (and maybe a hazmat suit), and let’s talk about the day East Brunswick collectively roasted the ugliest purse on the planet.

Stay tuned, stay stylish—preferably with intact straps—and keep your eyes on EB.

The Great Parking Debate of 2025 — Lines Were Crossed

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? Eyes on EB Exclusive

If you’re not following East Brunswick community drama online, what are you doing with your life? Forget reality TV — ShopRite Lot: The Reckoning is the hottest series of the summer.

This week’s episode started with a simple photo. A car. A line. A minor infraction — or so we thought. But oh no, friends, that faded white stripe was a spark. And that spark? It set the entire Facebook group on fire like a Dodge Caravan left idling with the AC on full blast.

Parking 101: A Lost Art?

Kristin Rose opened the show with the confident flair of a woman who’s seen one too many crooked park jobs and finally snapped. Kaitlyn Harley joined in with the comedic timing of a seasoned roast master. “Not the first or the last to park like this,” she laughed, before dropping the mic with, “more like a refresher in driving all together.”

And thus, the war of wit and wisdom began.

The Comment Section Tribunal

Raj Esh came in shook, typing a dramatic “Wow!! Terrible” like he just discovered someone used a knife to eat a banana. Karen declared “no excuse,” which, in East Brunswick, is basically the equivalent of a public flogging.

Then came the philosophers:
Christian, our local Zen master, asked, “How does this affect your day though?” Which was sweet, but unfortunately the wrong crowd — this crowd runs on adrenaline and minor grievances.

Paul chimed in with the classic “It’s not THAT bad,” followed by Joyce dropping the existential truth bomb: “Some people just don’t care.” Let that one sink in.

Enter the Philosopher-King of the Curb Cut: Harry S.

Just when the dust was settling, Harry S. arrived with a dissertation longer than most grad school theses.

Harry brought up disability, injustice, personal anecdotes, and a side of guilt sauce. Ann Marie M., MVP of the thread, wasn’t having it. “This is just rude — no one parks like this unless they’re an inconsiderate di@k.” Instant classic. Pulitzer-worthy, honestly.

Harry: “Experience is our teacher!”
Ann Marie: “Then why are you failing the class?”

License Plate Gate

Meanwhile, on the B-plot, Svetlana and Kimberley were debating whether or not to reveal the license plate of the offending car. Kristin decided against it, citing “too many sensitive people” — which is East Brunswick code for “someone will call the mayor, the FBI, and possibly their Aunt Linda.”

Kimberley: “I would’ve posted it to publicly shame them.”
Svetlana: “Agreed ?”
East Brunswick: Petty. And proud.

Final Thoughts

Some say it was just a poorly parked car. Others say it was a symbol. A metaphor for society’s slow decline. A visual representation of the space we no longer leave for one another — literally and metaphorically.

But to us here at Eyes on EB?

It was a masterpiece.

So here’s our closing statement: If you can’t park between two lines, please don’t come to EB with that chaos. We’re full.

Unless, of course, you are the chaos. In which case — welcome home.


Stay tuned for next week’s Facebook Fight Night, where someone will post about their neighbor’s trash can being 3 inches on their property line. We. Can’t. Wait.

This Time the Mall Talk Feels Real

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It’s More Than a Building—It’s a Time Capsule

Eyes on EB is tired of talking about the mall. Really tired. We’ve covered the traffic studies, the zoning changes, the backroom deals, and the ever-growing skyline of apartment complexes. But this thread hit differently. It didn’t read like another angry debate about local government or taxes. It read like a eulogy. Like a collective grieving period for many of East Brunswick’s OGs.

We’re not going to name names here. Just initials. And the initials speak for themselves.

T.A. vented about taxes going up and the mayor doing whatever he wants. R.M., who’s been here over four decades, bluntly declared, “It was never cute.” Meanwhile, A.S. dropped a comment that felt like the gut punch no one saw coming: this mall was the place of first dates, first movies, and after-school hangouts. To see it being “infected by the redevelopment curse” was, in his words, disgraceful.

Not Everyone Is Mad—But Most Are Sad

Sure, some folks like J.M.K. and S.D.S. are optimistic. They see potential. They believe in revitalization. They want progress. But scroll a little deeper, and you feel the heartbreak.

C.B. mentioned she and her husband run a store there—and that being forced out feels personal. J.B. admitted he’s “truly heartbroken” and would save it if he could. J.L. took his kids recently and said it was “pretty pathetic,” with stores shuttered and employees looking confused, as if no one told them the end was near.

We’re not even touching the politics in this post. Not the finger-pointing over zoning. Not the debate over who changed what classification back in which year. We’ll save that for another day.

This time, it’s about the loss.

A Collective Memory Fading Fast

The mall may have been on life support for years, but it was still ours. A.S. reminded us that we don’t need new buildings—we need to take care of what we already have. Some agreed. Others clapped back with realism: retail is dying, the space is mostly empty, and pretending it’s the 1980s won’t change the facts.

But facts don’t quiet feelings. And this thread was full of them.

So What Now?

Is this goodbye? Not officially. The plans are still “pending,” “proposed,” “being reviewed.” But emotionally? For many, this thread made it feel final. The mall, as we knew it, isn’t just being replaced. It’s being mourned.

And honestly, we get it.

We may be sick of writing about the mall, but today we’re pausing to listen. Not to the arguments—but to the grief. Because before East Brunswick was a redevelopment zone, it was a community. And this mall, love it or not, was part of that.

Eyes on EB hears you.

Breaking News: A Segway Salesman Is Cruising Through EB, and It’s Not Lazy—It’s Genius

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If you’ve been staring out your window and suddenly spotted a guy silently gliding past your mailbox on what looks like a futuristic scooter, no, you didn’t slip into a Marvel movie. He’s not casing your joint, he’s not there to spy on your water meter, and no—he’s not from the government. He’s just trying to sell something. Efficiently.

Let’s set the scene.

Earlier this week, J.L. posted in a popular East Brunswick Facebook group asking, “Any ideas as to what this person may be doing riding around our driveway on a hoverboard with what looks like an iPad?” Naturally, the thread turned into a beautiful trainwreck of speculation, grammar corrections, accusations of meatball-induced paranoia, and one guy simply yelling “This is not Sicily!”

But through all the noise, one thing became clear: the man in question is using a Segway (not a hoverboard, sorry Eugene M.) and a lot of people guessed correctly—he’s probably a solar or pest control rep. And while some questioned his motives, others raised the real issue:

“Door to door salesman who doesn’t want to walk.” – A.P.

Let’s pause here. What if we told you that not wanting to walk isn’t lazy… it’s brilliant?

?‍♂️ Walking vs ? Segway-ing: A Math Moment

The average door-to-door rep on foot can reasonably knock on 80 to 100 houses in an 8-hour day. Now toss him on a Segway that rolls at 10 miles per hour and that number jumps to around 200 to 250 homes a day. That’s 2.5x the productivity, less foot pain, and more time to smile while being ignored on ring cams across town.

And tomorrow? He’ll wake up refreshed, with legs that don’t feel like wet noodles. You ever try walking EB’s hilly neighborhoods for eight hours? Didn’t think so.

? Give The Guy Credit

Sure, it’s a little weird at first. A dude in shades gliding through your cul-de-sac like he’s delivering subpoenas from the future. But as Z.P. eloquently reminded us:

“We just posted on Facebook to bitch and complain lol.”

Indeed. Meanwhile, this man is out here hustling smarter, not harder. Efficiency matters—especially when your job involves getting doors slammed in your face 30 times before noon.

? So What’s the Big Takeaway?

Maybe instead of jumping to conclusions and calling the cops on a kid with a Segway and an iPad, we just… ask? (Thanks for that reminder, E.C.)

Or better yet—buy some solar panels. Or bug spray. Or just give the guy a wave. After all, he’s not hovering around your driveway. He’s floating toward the future. One sale at a time.

And if you still feel threatened by a guy selling solar while gliding on a battery-powered platform, just remember:

This is East Brunswick.
This is not Sicily.

The Curious Case of Farrington Lake: A Dip into History, Hazards, and Hearsay

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It started with a U-turn.

In a quiet moment of directional improvisation, N.D. stumbled upon what she described as “some water behind B2 Bistro.” Innocent enough—until she posed the question that cracked open a local floodgate:

“What body of water is this, and is it safe to swim my dog in?”

Spoiler alert: The answer is a resounding “probably not.”


From U-Turn to Deep Dive

The mystery lake in question is Farrington Lake, a dammed reservoir formed by the Lawrence Brook and a longtime staple of East Brunswick and neighboring Milltown. But as the Facebook thread exploded, so did the facts—and the folklore.

One user, L.M., chimed in with some sobering clarity:

“Human swimming is not permitted. As with many fresh waterways in the state, the risk of Harmful Algae Blooms increases during the summer, and cyanobacterial toxin poisoning can be fatal for dogs.”

If that wasn’t enough to convince dog owners to stay on land, others warned of snapping turtles, leeches, and yes—even alleged lake monsters.


“We Used to Swim in It…”

The back-and-forth wasn’t without nostalgia.

“I’ve been rope swinging that water since I was 13, and I’m perfectly fine,” said J.K., giving off big ‘survived-the-90s’ energy.

A.K. added, “I’ve swam in there with dogs before.”

But for every lake-dipper defending the joy of a cooling plunge, someone else responded with a firm no. Some cited bacteria, others simply gave off a vibe of ‘I’ve seen things.’

One especially vivid warning came from C.S.:

“There are TONS of leeches in that lake. Stay away!!”


Beneath the Surface: A Superfund Past

What many residents may not realize is that East Brunswick has long carried environmental baggage. A few commenters remembered.

S.G. posted:

“I grew up off Riva Ave in EB with a Superfund Site on Fresh Ponds in our backyard. This was the 80s & the groundwater there is still contaminated.”

And G.G. backed it up:

“It is still listed as a Superfund site today. They’re trying to clean it up but yes, definitely still a source of contamination.”

Superfund status, for those unfamiliar, is a federal designation for the most polluted sites in the nation requiring long-term cleanup. New Jersey holds the dubious title of having the most Superfund sites in the U.S., with over 100.

That number includes areas near Farrington Lake. Even if not every inch of the lake is toxic, the stigma lingers.


The Bottom Line (and Maybe a Few Leeches)

Is Farrington Lake a scenic gem? Absolutely.
Is it a great place for kayaking, fishing, and snapping Instagram pics at sunset? Totally.
Is it a safe spot to let your dog paddle around like it’s a chlorinated puppy pool? That’s where the locals draw the line.

And sometimes, the best way to enjoy the water is from the shore, with your dog leashed, your shoes on, and a healthy respect for both nature and history.

As one local summed it up:

“New Jersey water is nasty.”

Take that as you will.

Breaking Tradition: A Graduation Overshadowed by Retaliation

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In East Brunswick, traditions used to mean something.

At high school graduation, it’s customary for formal Board members—past and present—to sit on stage only if they’re handing a diploma to their child. It’s a moment of dignity, recognition, and community, to this day.

This year, Superintendent Victor Valesky decided that Jeff Winston, a former member of the Board of Education, would not be allowed to sit on stage for the entire graduation ceremony. Not because there’s a new rule. Not due to any capacity or protocol issues. But because Victor doesn’t like him.

Let’s be clear:

This is not a misunderstanding.

This is not a change in tradition.

This is pure, bitter retaliation.

Jeff Winston stated, “Victor is taking a situation he created, which now impacts students—and he’s using it to be vindictive.”

One community member echoed that sentiment, calling the decision “not a misunderstanding… not a change in tradition. This feels like retaliation.”

Jeff Winston, who served on the Board in this town, didn’t ask for special treatment. He asked for the same respect that had been shown to every other board member before him. He asked to honor his two youngest sons the way others have been allowed to do for decades.

Instead, he got stonewalled.

Winston spoke with Assistant Vice Principal Yanazzo—who played the middleman in this shameful debacle. Jeff reportedly told him:

“I get it, you’re stuck in the middle. But if this is what Victor wants to do, I’ll go legal—file an injunction, sue the Board and Victor personally. And when I’m back on the Board in January, I’ll make sure every bit of this comes back to bite.”

Winston added:

“He’s treating me differently. It’s discrimination, and everyone knows it.”

What makes this decision even more disgraceful is that even recent past board members have been allowed to sit on stage for the entire graduation ceremony—without issue, without interference, and certainly without a personal battle to make it happen. It was understood. It was respected. Until now.

But this year, Jeff Winston—who served this community just like those before him—has been singled out and shut out. No explanation holds water. Just a message from the top: Victor believes that Jeff Winston is responsible for his failures, but Victor won’t take responsibility for that.

Let’s not pretend this is about rules. It’s not.

It’s about ego and control. It’s about Victor Valesky sending a message:

“Cross me, and I’ll embarrass you—publicly, personally, and at your child’s expense.”

This should terrify every parent in East Brunswick.

Because if Victor can do this to a former board member, what has he done to your children, to you, and to staff members? Perhaps that’s the reason why he’s leaving.

Graduation should be about students. About celebration. About family.

Instead, it’s become a stage for one man’s vendetta.

And like all petty tyrants, Victor doesn’t need a reason; as Mel Brooks said in History Of The World Part One, “It’s good to be the king.”

A Delayed Response to Literacy Legislation and Community Concerns

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June 10, 2025
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Allegra Seidler

After a saga spanning more than half a year (and with roots from over a year ago), at the June 6, 2025 Board meeting, East Brunswick Public Schools announced the planned pilot studies of Amplify CKLA and Being A Reader. In a Tap Into EB article, Dr. Joyce Boley, Assistant Superintendent of Academics is quoted saying, “We’re excited to collaborate with the State and the LEAR Office to ensure that all students, from the very beginning of their academic journey, have the tools and support they need to become confident, capable readers.” This comes mere months after administrators responded to parental concerns by presenting on the current ILA curriculum and Gifted and Talented services at the 2/13/25 school Board meeting. During these presentations, the current curriculum was touted as well-rounded and meeting students’ needs. And now, Dr. Boley thanks the community for its ‘partnership.’ But based on the district’s past actions, many families are left asking: What does partnership really mean in East Brunswick?

Community concern surfaced in November of 2024 when parents took to sharing testimony of their experiences with the current balanced literacy curriculum at EBPS Board meetings. All meetings are recorded and available to view here. These testimonies often addressed how various members of the administration denied and dismissed issues, and even delayed identifying reading disorders. They also addressed how teachers were instructed to respond to concerns about the ILA curriculum (including a written memo that went out in the Spring of 2024 telling teachers what to say if a parent dared ask about the ILA curriculum).
Prior to these public comments, I spent about a month corresponding with district administrators via emails that were forwarded to both Superintendent Valeski and the full Board before I ever spoke at a meeting. When I couldn’t obtain sufficient answers to multiple questions, including how much the district invested in the revised Units of Study in 2023, I decided to move this conversation into the public sphere. To my surprise, many parents came forward with disappointing stories of their frustrations with the ILA curriculum on all ends of the spectrum.

Between November 21, 2024, and now, our group of parents has spoken at nearly every Board meeting. Board testimony was sometimes anonymous, and sometimes shared by parents themselves. In addition, some parents did meet with administrators and continued to experience uphill battles, ultimately making very little headway. One parent, who is also an educator, was told her child did “not qualify for intervention at this time”, but chose to have him assessed outside of the district. This assessment revealed he required pull-out intervention. Somehow, this was not officially picked up within our school system, despite clear struggles. Without strong advocacy from this student’s parents and teachers (who knew the limitations of the current assessments and curriculum), there was not only no plan to intervene, but a complete denial of any need.

Another parent had voiced concerns beginning in kindergarten, when her child was “reading” memorized leveled books with her eyes closed, and again in first grade when spelling was not being taught in school. Another, also an educator and Certified Dyslexia Specialist, has been advocating for changes to the Tier 1 curriculum, literacy screenings, and intervention methods for at least four years. Despite these suggestions being part of an ongoing state initiative in partnership with East Brunswick neighbor, Rutgers University, she has encountered pushback every step of the way. Another parent was told by her child’s teacher that they could no longer answer her questions about this topic and that upper administration was handling it. These are not isolated incidents—they’re representative of a larger, systemic issue.

Part of what our group of parent-advocates worked towards was anonymously surveying teachers for their input on the elementary language arts curriculum. Why? They had already expressed concern about the curriculum, were upset that the district had purchased the revised Units of Study, felt their hands were tied when it came to getting kids the services they needed in a timely manner, and claimed administrators were fully bought into balanced literacy and not open to change.

At this time, no teachers are willing to go on record due to fears of retaliation, but the district did survey teachers. Despite several sharing with us how they had previously broached the topic of a need for a shift in pedagogy, administration has claimed to be caught off-guard by these public complaints and the results of the surveys. To our knowledge, and in spite of at least one Board member’s 2/13/25 request that the results be shared with the Board once obtained, no one outside of administration has seen the unedited responses. We do know only 35% of solicited teachers responded, and I would wager many of those who didn’t are non-tenured and/or likely not fans of the current setup. Maybe one day those results will be made public in their unedited form…

So, what exactly does “partnership” mean to East Brunswick Public Schools? I honestly couldn’t tell you. To all of these parents, the ones who met with administrators, the ones who were told nothing is wrong, the ones who continue to be told to accept less than best practice … the ones who know better … this announcement is the ultimate gaslighting. The district is “excited to collaborate with the State and LEAR Department”? This legislation was passed in June of 2024 and signed into law on August 13, 2024. That is before I broached this topic in an email or at a Board meeting. This legislation and the March 2025 recommendations of the Working Group are exactly what we have been advocating for—some of us for years. We are being told the selections are based on evaluations from EdReports and The Reading League, issues with EdReports withstanding – what was their review of the previous product, which the foundation of our curriculum was based on? Nothing good, and there’s a lot more where that came from. The revised Units of Study was updated to address weaknesses, but has yet to be officially evaluated, which was part of my questioning of why EBPS would choose to invest in this revised curriculum in the face of extensive data outlining the issues with the author’s previous work.

What we said not only meant nothing, but was pushed back on heavily. So much so that in November 2024, I received a response from Dr. Boley (reviewed by Dr. Valeski) that read:
“Media frequently features so-called experts who may have ties to specific companies, which can introduce bias into public discussions. In light of recent narratives that may misrepresent our approach, it’s crucial that we remain focused on supporting East Brunswick’s teachers as they help students grow in reading, writing, phonics, learning, and overall well-being.”

And:
“The criticism directed at Calkins, Fountas, and Pinnell has been heavily funded by organizations, corporations, and private equity groups that favor a limited selection of basal textbooks, which push all students to read the same texts simultaneously. East Brunswick has firsthand experience with a one-size-fits-all approach filled with workbooks and textbooks, turning language arts into a monotonous experience. This method does not allow teachers to facilitate the essential, assessment-based small groups that are crucial for students’ success.”
Some may be familiar with the Southern Surge” or “the Mississippi Miracle,” and maybe even the separation of Lucy Calkins from Columbia Teachers College. The district’s focus on media narratives is predicated on the ongoing international campaigns to remove balanced literacy, including the podcast, Sold A Story. This media-bias claim proved to be an ironic point, as many of the sources supplied in this response were either Lucy Calkins (the author of Units of Study) or Heinemann (the Units of Study publisher) – all extremely neutral parties.

On multiple occasions, EBPS administration not only chose to ignore, but to deny the existence of any problem(s) and the impending state requirements. Not using a universal screener, such as DIBELS, and not automatically informing parents of results is a choice the district made. There is no reason we needed to wait until September 2025 to do this. DIBELS is not new, and a version can be accessed for free, meaning if the district wanted to, they could easily screen beyond third grade (it can be used through 8th grade). Parents need to be aware that these changes are being made only because the district’s hand was forced. If this were a true partnership, these changes would have occurred organically because of internal identification of need (e.g., the low percentage of students being adequately served by Tier 1 curriculum), because of parental concerns, because of teacher feedback, and not because of state legislation, recommendations, and public outcry. Nothing in these recommendations is new, nor was it new when the district purchased the revised Units of Study.

Before this moment, shutting parents down in private meetings was the primary response. That is unacceptable. Parents deserve a visible, meaningful seat at the table. We want to be involved in committees, such as a Curriculum Committee. We want to be able to transparently partner with the amazing educators of EBPS without their employment being put at risk, and without having to wonder if we’re getting the full story. We want best practices accessible to all children, not only the ones whose parents can scream the loudest or pay for tutoring. Our children are the
ultimate stakeholders here; their time is valuable, their education is important, and they have only us to represent their interests.
How will an administration that so fervently defended the current curriculum be capable of committing to perform a robust pilot study and reverse course on its ideological commitment to the pedagogy of balanced literacy, especially in such a short time? Are you okay leaving this to chance? I’m not, which is why I am continuing to advocate for reform and accountability in our district.

We need a clear policy guiding the requirements for and structure of pilot studies. A policy that requires meaningful incorporation of stakeholders, including parents and teachers. A policy that requires publicly debriefing the Board. A policy that requires disclosure and parental consent for participation. A policy that requires assessment metrics. A policy that incorporates how educators are selected to participate. We need a Board that completely understands its position is designed to represent the interests of the public and not the administration. I have asked the Board for this, and I am urging you to do the same. This cannot happen again. Not with language arts, not with math, not at all.
East Brunswick Public Schools has done everything they could to avoid addressing this, and referring to this move as embracing recommendations or partnering with parents is categorically false, at best. Every single parent in this district needs to know what they are up against: A culture of deny, dismiss, and delay for as long as possible, at the expense of your children. They have no time to spare, and this is why we remain concerned.
For more information, please visit:

https://linktr.ee/Accountability4EB

The Great East Brunswick Backyard Battle: Trees, Fences, and FU Energy

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Some people use their backyards for barbecues. Others? For full-scale neighborhood warfare.

Over in the wonderfully polite warzone known as East Brunswick Residents, a new thread has exploded with all the drama of a suburban soap opera: one neighbor’s bushes, another neighbor’s fence, and a township that’s somehow become the Judge Judy of landscaping disputes. Let’s break it down.


Property Line? More Like Emotional Battle Line

It all began when a man we’ll call SHH (not because he’s quiet—he’s actually very vocal) posted photos of an overgrown fence and a caption that could double as a municipal plea for help:

“Can I have East Brunswick Township help me resolve this issue?”

His complaint? The neighbor’s trees and bushes are turning his side of the fence into a jungle, and he’s been battling the greenery solo for years. Round-Up. Branch trimming. Emotional trauma. The man just wants to replace his fence in peace.


Enter the Legal Experts of Facebook U

K.L. jumped in with the basics:

“That’s your side of the property, you have to trim it yourself.”

Followed by D.J., the reasonable one we didn’t deserve:

“Did you talk to the guy? Maybe he doesn’t know it’s an issue for you.”

Oh, sweet D.J., how naive. SHH did talk to the guy. The neighbor gave the universal New Jersey response to being asked for help:

“I have no money.”

But apparently had just enough breath left to give SHH the okay to remove some trees—classic.


FU Fence Energy

Then came KSR, who dropped a truth bomb wrapped in vinyl:

“I hate my neighbors so I got a 6 ft vinyl privacy fence… or an FU fence as my contractor called it! ?”

This comment instantly went viral within the thread. Hearts were clicked. Laugh emojis rained down. People felt the FU fence.

JT chimed in:

“FU Sounds better ??”

RW (yes, that RW) followed with the seal of approval:

“Love the FU fence. haha”

You could almost hear the collective clapping from every East Brunswick resident who’s ever priced out a white vinyl picket out of sheer spite.


Legal Advice? Oh, We Got That Too

By the time commenters like MB, MR, and SL were done, the thread had turned into a hybrid of Judge Judy and Survivor: Backyard Edition.

  • “Call code enforcement.”

  • “Document everything.”

  • “You can cut anything that crosses your line.”

  • “Get a lawyer to send a cease and desist.”

  • “You own from the center of the earth to the heavens.”
    (That’s not a metaphor. Someone actually wrote that.)


The Mice Have Entered the Chat

MR shared that her neighbor’s neglect has caused a mouse invasion thanks to vines growing over into her yard. She even mentioned the neighbor’s cat:

“It’s so domesticated that it would freak out if it saw one.”

That’s not a cat. That’s a furry throw pillow.


Final Thoughts from Eyes on EB

Look—we know these threads are funny, but they also reflect a very real vibe here in town: People feel like they’re left to battle neighbors, rodents, and overgrown shrubbery with little recourse.

Still, East Brunswick shows its charm in moments like this. You get some legal advice, a little therapy, a laugh, and a reminder that no matter what’s growing over your fence—you’re not alone. Someone nearby is probably building a vinyl wall of emotional protection right along with you.


So what’s your fence story?
Have you gone full FU? Have you wielded garden shears like a warrior? Or did you make peace with the guy who claims he has no money but has a landscaper every Thursday?

Drop a comment. Just don’t plant any new trees near your neighbor’s line. That’s how this entire thread started. ???

The $16 Scoop That Shook East Brunswick

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If you thought local Facebook groups were just for lost cats and leaf pickup complaints, think again. This week, a simple post about a $16 quart of soft serve from a certain Carvel, the one tucked next to the Spotswood ShopRite just over the East Brunswick border — sparked a thread so intense, it could’ve been classified as a Category 5 comment storm.

(Hopefully, Andy doesn’t ask us for pictures of the receipts.) 

Let’s dive in, cone first.


“$16? For WHAT? Is the milk hand-massaged?”

It all started innocently enough. L.O. shared her receipt-shock:

“$16 for a quart of soft serve?? That’s not normal, is it?”

Cue D.M., coming in like a concerned father learning his kid paid $200 for a hoodie:

“No way!!!”

And just like that — the cone cracked. Comments rolled in like sprinkles on a hot day.

“Does Carvel use bougie cows??” asked S.L., wondering if his soft serve had been churned with Chanel No. 5.
“She charged me $2.50 for sprinkles — AFTER the price was posted!” said M.J.
“I saw her weigh the ice cream. Never went back.” said V.B., still recovering emotionally.


The Coupon Conspiracy

One common trauma among residents: The Coupon Denial.

“I brought in a $2 coupon. She looked at me like I handed her a rat.” — M.S.
“She said, ‘We don’t participate.’ I said, ‘In what, capitalism?’” — D.B.M.
“She once added $8 to the price of a cake between Monday and Friday. It was like Cake Surge Pricing.” — K.B.

One commenter even recalled how the cake decorator once spelled her kid’s name wrong, and when she asked for a fix:

“She kept pointing to it and saying, ‘Yes. Happy Birthday John. You pay $24.’”
“But his name is Jon!”
“Yes. John. You pay.”


How Is This Place Still Open?

This became the town’s version of “Unsolved Mysteries.”

“I have no clue how that place is still in business.” — J.G.
“Cash only. No receipt. Weird vibes. She sleeps in the back room.” — J.C., channeling his inner detective.
“It’s either a front… or a very committed performance art piece.” — A.M.R.


Alternative Scoops: A Tour of Ice Cream Diplomacy

With every rant came a recommendation.

“Scoop to My Lou is where it’s at. Family-owned. Reasonable. Not shady.”
“Go to the Carvel in Old Bridge. They accept coupons and joy.”
“Magnifico’s on Route 18. Massive sundaes. Senior discount. And no psychological warfare.”
“Fox Meadow in Lancaster, PA — sure, it’s 2 hours away, but it’s not $16 a quart.”

Even ShopRite entered the chat:

“2 Breyers for $6. Just don’t read the label — only 25% of it is still legally ice cream.” — K.S.


Let’s Not Pretend This Is Just a Carvel Thing

To be fair, inflation is hitting everyone. This isn’t 2003 when a cone was $1 and came with a smile. These days?

“Rita’s wants $11 for two custards.”
“Dole Whip at Scoop to My Lou was $16 for two cups. Still worth it.”
“One vodka at David Burke: $34.70. At least the ice cream didn’t give me a hangover.” — J.B.

So yeah, the economy’s weird. But still… we draw the line at $16 soft serve with an attitude.


Final Thoughts from the Comment Warriors

  • “That Carvel has been a rip-off since dial-up internet.”

  • “She makes up prices on the spot like it’s an auction.”

  • “If you bring up ShopRite, she tells you their cakes are old. I told her so am I — doesn’t mean I’m stale.”

  • “I once asked for a Carvelanche. She handed me a cup of silence.”


One Last Warning

“If I don’t see this place boarded up by Saturday after this thread, I’m gonna be in shock.” — J.C.

Will it happen? Doubt it.

Because just like a weird ex, that Carvel keeps popping back into your life. You know it’s no good for you… but sometimes, at 8:45 p.m., it’s the only one still open.


Andy Is Mad at Eyes on EB — But What Should He Actually Be Mad About?

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Andy has entered the chat — and let’s just say, he’s not thrilled.

In a recent Facebook post, Andy announced he was banned from “East Brunswick Action” and claimed Eyes on EB is “equally guilty.” Guilty of what, exactly? Sharing public legal documents? Raising questions about how our township operates? Posting receipts?

Hard to say. But let’s unpack what’s really going on here.


What Andy Could Have Done

Before calling out blogs and stirring up drama, Andy had options. Simple ones. He could’ve:

✅ Watched the town council meeting where $28,000 worth of backstop removals was discussed
✅ Read the civil complaint and court case documents from Lancos v. East Brunswick — already posted and linked
✅ Filed a basic OPRA request like any concerned resident
✅ Asked, “Why was a township employee denied fertility coverage that others would’ve received?” — instead of “Why did someone write about it?”


The Facts Are Public

What’s in the blog isn’t speculation. It’s based on:

  • ? A Civil Complaint filed in Middlesex County (Docket No. MID-L-003493-22)

  • ? A Civil Case Information Statement confirming the type and nature of the lawsuit

  • ?️ A Settlement letter submitted to the court by the Township’s attorneys

No spin. No edits. No conspiracy. Just public info that anyone — even ANDY — can go look up.


Final Thought

Andy’s not banned from Eyes on EB — he’s just mad at it. And look, we get it. It’s easier to be annoyed at the person pointing out the fire than to ask who lit the match.

But instead of being upset that someone wrote a blog, maybe be upset that a same-sex couple had to sue the township just to get fair treatment. That’s the part that should spark outrage.

Here at Eyes on EB, we still love Andy—we’re not sure what he has against us, or which friend we may have written about that got his panties in an uproar, but maybe Andy’s not actually mad at us at all… maybe he’s just sticking up for a friend—or two.

Thanks for the blog idea, Andy. You’ve done your civic duty — whether you meant to or not.