Drains, Drains Everywhere, But Not a Drop Should There Be!

East Brunswick residents are waking up to a quirky scenario that seems straight out of a suburban sitcom. According to local reports, a peculiar situation has unfolded across the town: while some drains are sparkling clean, others appear to have been forgotten by the forces of cleanliness. This observation, brought to light by our intrepid EB concerned citizen, Jane Blaine, has sparked conversations and debates among the townsfolk. 

The Great Leaf Debate: To Rake or Not to Rake? East Brunswick Flooding

Lori J, a top contributor to the cause, has taken matters into her own hands – literally. She’s out there, rake in hand, cleaning not just her drain but her neighbor’s too. Talk about community spirit! Or maybe she just really enjoys raking?

Then there’s Jay, sounding the alarm on the leafy conspiracy. According to Jay, the root of all evil (or should I say leaf of all evil?) is residents dumping leaves in the streets before pickup. His solution? Start ticketing! Ah, nothing says ‘community’ like a good old fashioned ticket-fest.

But wait, there’s a plot twist! Stephen D, another top contributor, poses a philosophical question: Where should these leaves go? The easement? But then we might be ticketed for grasscide (the tragic death of grass due to leaf suffocation). It’s a conundrum that would baffle even the wisest of philosophers.

David counters with a law-and-order approach – keep those leaves on your lawn until the day before pickup. Sure, some might escape to the streets, but it’s about minimizing the leafy exodus.

Angi C chimes in with tales of high-leaf piles in another part of town. It’s like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but made of leaves and without the tourists.

Stephen D returns with a dose of harsh reality, pointing out that a mountain of leaves isn’t going to fix our half-baked drainage system. After investing a small fortune in his own drainage, he’s now the neighborhood’s unofficial sump. On the bright side, he notes, at least the water has somewhere to go now.

Dana H shares her watery woes too – her backyard’s turned into a makeshift lake. Maybe we should start a town-wide water sports league?

Marie wraps it up with a hopeful note, reminding us that small efforts can lead to big changes. She’s planning to inspect her area, probably armed with a rake and a determined look. Which will help with the East Brunswick flooding. 

A Mayor’s Plea: “Let’s Be Drain Heroes, Together!”

In a stunning turn of events, the Mayor of East Brunswick took to Facebook to address the drain drama. With the eloquence of a seasoned diplomat and the urgency of a weatherman predicting a hurricane, the Mayor announced, “There are over 4000 storm drains in the township. Our staff cannot possibly get to all of them.”

This revelation left many wondering if our town employs a secret army of drain cleaners who, like ninjas, vanish after doing their job. But fear not, the Mayor has a plan: teamwork. “Let’s work together as a community to prevent flooding, accidents, and property damage by clearing the drains near your home.”

It’s a call to arms, or rather, a call to rakes and shovels. The Mayor’s message, resembling a battle cry from a medieval epic, has inspired a new league of local heroes – The Drain Defenders. Armed with garden tools and a fierce determination to keep their socks dry, these unsung warriors of East Brunswick are ready to take on the leafy menace, one drain at a time.

So, dear readers, grab your rake, don your garden gloves, and join the noble quest to keep our drains clear. In East Brunswick, not all heroes wear capes; some just have really clean drains.

Updated 12/20/23

East Brunswick’s Holiday Crusade Against Leaves, Led by Mayor Cohen!

In a festive twist, East Brunswick Mayor Brad J Cohen has taken to Facebook, not with season’s greetings, but with a battle plan against leaves. In a speech that could rival a holiday blockbuster, the Mayor has called upon citizens to unite with rakes in hand against the leafy menace.

The dramatic saga began with the signing of a new refuse contract with IWS, a lone bidder in this environmental epic. The Mayor’s strategic counter? Twice-weekly refuse pickups to outmaneuver the leaves at their own game.

In a move that’s more exciting than unwrapping gifts, 95-gallon bins are set to roll out in spring, poised to become the town’s new anti-leaf chariots. Meanwhile, bulk pick-up becomes a scheduled affair, adding a twist of order to the holiday chaos.

Addressing safety, the Mayor likened wet leaves to ice, painting a slippery slope of holiday hazards. His solution? Fines for those daring to let leaves linger on streets, ensuring a safer, cleaner East Brunswick.

As he donned a metaphorical Santa hat, Mayor Cohen wished all a Merry Christmas, subtly reminding them that the real joy of the season lies in joining hands for a leaf-free future.

Thus, as East Brunswick decks its halls, its residents also gear up for a less traditional, but equally festive ritual: the great leaf battle of 2024. Happy holidays, and may your New Year be as tidy as your leaf-free streets!