Route 18 Closure

Commuters Rejoice: A Week of Unexpected Adventures Awaits!

EAST BRUNSWICK, NJ — In what experts are calling “a groundbreaking initiative in the war against smooth travel,” Route 18 will be closed and detoured for the foreseeable future, allowing residents to experience the thrill of navigating suburban backroads in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

“This is actually great news,” said local pessimist Rob w.. “I was worried I was getting too comfortable with my 10-minute commute. Now I have time to reflect on all my life choices while idling on Old Bridge Turnpike.”

Northbound? Southbound? Why Not Neither?

Starting Thursday night, March 13, Route 18 northbound between Milltown Road and Tices Lane will be closed overnight until March 21 for a drainage and gas main installation. This means traffic will be rerouted in a maze-like path that local GPS systems are already struggling to process.

Meanwhile, southbound travelers will face their own special brand of suffering. The stretch between Arthur Street and Racetrack Road will be closed on Thursday and Friday nights for “signal timing adjustments,” which one anonymous township official described as “an aggressive way of saying we’re winging it.”

Oleg, ever the optimist, sees this as an opportunity: “Finally, the town is taking my suggestion seriously. If we close both directions, technically no one can get into East Brunswick… which means I can finally find parking at Wawa.”

Your Exciting New Detour Options

For those who enjoy surprises, here’s how you can add some adventure to your daily commute:

• Northbound drivers: Take a scenic right onto Milltown Road, a delightful left onto Old Bridge Turnpike, and a final left onto Tices Lane, where you’ll emerge wondering if you’re still in New Jersey.
• Southbound travelers: Take a thrilling detour through Arthur Street, Summerhill Road, and Racetrack Road—ideal for those who love the sound of honking horns and aggressive lane merging.

$86.1 Million to Fix Four Miles – Bargain of the Century

The $86.1 million federally funded Route 18 project promises to bring new pavement, drainage, sidewalks, and ADA-compliant curb ramps. In short, by the time your great-grandchildren are old enough to drive, Route 18 will finally be in tip-top shape.

“People keep asking where all this money is going,” said one contractor, who wished to remain anonymous. “Listen, have you seen the cost of traffic cones these days?”

When Will It End? No One Knows

While the official schedule suggests work will wrap up next week, longtime residents know better. “I moved here in 1987, and Route 18 has been under construction ever since,” said a local man who wished to be identified only as ‘Frank The Skeptic.’

As for Rob W., he remains unfazed. “Look, as long as there’s a Starbucks within walking distance, I’ll survive. But if they touch my Wawa coffee supply, I will riot.”

So buckle up, East Brunswick. The roads may be closed, but the entertainment is just getting started.