Happy Festivus, East Brunswick.
If I were mayor, this would be my official address. No podium. No prepared remarks. No applause breaks. Just an aluminum pole, a microphone I probably shouldn’t have, and a long list of grievances I’ve been holding onto all year.
And before anyone gets offended, relax. This comes from a place of love. But also from a place of watching the same behavior repeat itself over and over again and pretending it’s not happening.
I’m disappointed in you. Not mad. Disappointed. There’s a difference.
There’s Nothing to Do Here, Please Stop Doing Things
You’ve been telling me for years that there’s nothing to do in East Brunswick. Nothing. Boring town. No reason to stay local.
Then we start building things to do.
And suddenly it’s “why is everything under construction,” “traffic is a nightmare,” and “who approved this.”
You don’t want nothing. You want something. You just want it to appear instantly, fully completed, with no noise, no dust, no cones, and absolutely no impact on your daily routine.
That’s not progress. That’s magic. And we don’t have a wizard on staff.
You Want New Restaurants, Just Not Food That Costs Money
You complain there’s nowhere new to eat. Same places. Same rotation. Boring.
A new restaurant opens and the first thing you do is post the menu and act personally offended by the prices.
Too expensive. Not worth it. Who do they think they are.
And then, without hesitation, you spend fifty dollars at McDonald’s for a family of three and call it normal. No Facebook post. No outrage. No comments section meltdown.
So no, this isn’t about prices. It’s about being uncomfortable with anything that feels unfamiliar.
You Want More Shopping, But Also Want 1995 Back
You want more places to shop. More local businesses. More charm. More reasons to stay in town.
But you also want everything priced like rent, labor, insurance, and utilities don’t exist.
You want small businesses to survive, just not if it costs more than Target. You want Amazon convenience with mom-and-pop pricing.
Pick one. You don’t get both.
You Hate the Potholes, You Hate the Fix, Choose One
Potholes are apparently an emergency. Photos get posted. Rants get written. Everyone agrees something must be done immediately.
Then the roads get paved.
Now it’s cones. Detours. Why today. Why now. Why during your commute.
The potholes were unacceptable. The paving is unacceptable. The inconvenience of fixing the problem is somehow worse than the problem itself.
At some point, this stops being about roads and starts being about patience.
And Yes, Eyes On EB Has Disappointed You Too Bad
Eyes On EB has disappointed people. Of course it has. That’s what happens when you pay attention and don’t curate reality to make everyone comfortable.
If something posted here annoyed you, good. That means you read it. That means you cared enough to react. That means you’re engaged in the town you constantly say you want more from.
You don’t argue this much about a place you don’t love.
My Festivus Wish for This Town
So here’s my Festivus wish, if I were mayor.
I wish we could admit that we want growth without inconvenience, progress without patience, and change without change. I wish we could laugh at ourselves just a little more when we do it.
Because underneath all the complaining, the contradictions, and the comment section chaos, there’s a town full of people who care deeply, even if they don’t always make sense while doing it.
And honestly, that’s why this place still works.
Happy Festivus, East Brunswick.
You’re driving me crazy. And I still love you.
