You really can’t teach this kind of Facebook thread. You just sit back, hit “See More,” and watch greatness unfold. It all started with Marci. Local. Veteran. Been pumping gas (well… watching someone else pump it) at the same spot for 20 years without incident. Then — disaster. New ownership. Fuel One. And suddenly a gas attendant hits her with, “Hey… how about a tip?”
$28 worth of gas. $2 worth of awkwardness. And here we go.
First wave of comments: Old School Jersey
Andrew shows up like your uncle who still pays in exact change.
His strategy? No hesitation. Straight to “Lol nope. I’d tell him to get lost.”
Elite fundamentals. That’s day-one Jersey right there.
Ian tries to pivot the thread into a Where To Find The Cheapest Gas conversation, which — respectfully — happens in every EB comment section whether relevant or not. Absolute role player energy.
David slides in with the Costco option because there’s a Costco guy in every thread. That’s in the Facebook bylaws.
Then here comes the Feelings Crowd
Elaine: “I always tip the BP guy. He’s nice.”
Lucretia: “The Wawa guy is my boy.”
Laurie: “If it’s cold, I give a little something.”
Love this group. Big “teacher gave me a sticker” energy.
These are the people that bring Dunkin gift cards to the mailman and tip the bagel guy for double-wrapping their lox.
But then…
Jaime Enters — Running Iso Offense
Outta nowhere, Jaime checks in like she’s the villain in Act 2 of a Disney Channel Original Movie:
“I just wish we could pump our own gas.”
Record scratch. Silence in the huddle.
Nobody was talking about that, Jaime. Nobody.
But this is classic Facebook Jaime. Forget the current conversation — let’s just change the whole state law while we’re here.
A wild take. An away jersey moment in a home game thread.
And then… Karen. Oh, Karen.
Karen steps up like the person in every group chat who finally says what everyone else has been thinking but didn’t feel like typing.
Simple. Direct. Unbothered.
“Really? I’d rather not have to stand outside of my car in the freezing cold and wind up with the smell of gas on my hands.”
That’s it. No charts. No rants. No long-winded gas station conspiracy theories.
Just common sense — the kind that lands different after 20 comments of people trying to turn a $2 tip into a TED Talk.
Karen didn’t need to argue. She just reminded everyone: Standing outside in the freezing cold smells like regret.
Veteran move.
The Rest of The Thread? Chaos.
People arguing about gas prices like they work for OPEC.
People reminiscing about when attendants used to wash your windows like it was 1964.
People acting like tipping culture started last Tuesday.
SOMEONE (you know who) dropping “Well, back when I grew up in NY…” like it’s a personality trait.
SOMEONE ELSE suggesting handing out Hot Hands warmers like we’re running a soup kitchen at Raceway.
And finally… the guy who swore this all went down at the station near Sheldon Motors. Every thread’s got that one dude who thinks everything happens near Sheldon Motors.
Final Thoughts
Gas station tipping in East Brunswick?
Truly a Rorschach test for your personality.
→ If you tip: You’re the feel-good Hallmark movie character.
→ If you don’t tip: You’re the gritty Jersey local with 1987 values.
→ If you want self-serve: You’re Jaime. And we see you.
East Brunswick doesn’t need HBO.
It’s already got Facebook.
And the comment section is undefeated.
