Top 3 Better Uses for the $28,000 Backstop

If We’re Gonna Keep It, Let’s At Least Get Weird With It

So the town wants to spend $28,000 to remove a backstop—that big metal fence behind the baseball field. We can use “Bernie’s Landscaper”.

But what if, and hear us out… we don’t remove it?

Instead of burning through borrowed money to demolish something that’s done nothing wrong, we propose this:

Let’s keep the backstop—and make it the most iconic, under-budget feature East Brunswick has ever seen.

1. ? “The Backstop Garden of Reflection™”

Let’s turn this beast into a glorious vertical garden.

We wrap it in climbing roses, ivy, and maybe a few hanging baskets donated by the PTA. Science classes can study photosynthesis, art students can sketch it, and the custodians can passive-aggressively complain about bees. It’s hands-on education with thorns—what’s not to love?

Throw in a bench and a sign that says:

“Dedicated to the taxpayers who Googled what a backstop is.”

This becomes a peaceful place to think about how we almost spent $28K on removal. Bonus points if someone from the high school woodshop class builds a trellis that collapses if anyone says “fiscally responsible.”

2. ?️ The Temporary Office of VV & BG™

In a cost-cutting move, let’s just put a tarp over it and call it the new Administrative Executive Budget Coordination Pavilion.

Give VV and BG a couple folding chairs, clipboards, and maybe a space heater if they’re good. This keeps them far away from our students and maybe, just maybe, gives them time to reflect on why they tried to bury $28,000 in a bond for fence removal.

Think about it: no more heated offices, no rent, no distractions—just the humbling effect of wind, rust, and the distant sound of JV baseball practice.

Budget saved. Message sent.

3. ? “The Bernie Stash Compound™”

Instead of tearing it down, let’s enclose it with chain-link walls, a padlock, and zero supervision.

Boom. Now Bernie has a place to store all the confiscated microwaves, toasters, and Keurigs he’s quietly been disappearing from teacher lounges district-wide.

Teachers can make appointments to “visit” their former appliances like it’s a minimum-security prison for small electronics.

The best part? Every time a new teacher reports their coffee machine missing, we just add a shelf. Eventually, we open it to the public like a museum:

“Exhibit A: The Mr. Coffee that sparked a rebellion.”

Final Thought

You want to remove the backstop? Fine. But at least laugh with us on the way down. Or better yet—don’t remove it. Keep it. Transform it. Weaponize it for satire and passive resistance.

We’re East Brunswick. We pave fields for cricket. We can damn sure turn a fence into a cultural landmark.

Stay weird. Stay loud. And stay far away from VV’s tarp office.

—
Eyes On EB
“Saving East Brunswick one sarcastic blog post at a time.”