Category

satire

Welcome to the Satire Section of Eyes On Eb, where wit meets wisdom in our unique take on the world’s happenings. Here, we explore a range of topics through a satirical lens, offering a humorous perspective designed to entertain and provoke thought. Our satirical posts use irony, exaggeration, and humor to critique societal norms, politics, and cultural phenomena. Dive into this section for a clever and playful exploration of current events, where laughter is used as a tool to reflect and critique.

29
Mar

The Garbage Truck That Blocked a Nation: One Man’s Driveway, One Town’s Divided Soul

March 29, 2025ByIn,
🚛 EAST BRUNSWICK, NJ — In a scandal rocking the quiet cul-de-sacs of suburbia, a garbage can was allegedly placed gasp directly in front of a driveway on Tuesday morning. The accused? One of East Brunswick’s mechanical-arm garbage trucks, code-named “Claw Daddy.” The incident, captured in a now-viral video by local resident John, has sparked a...
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29
Mar

A Slice of Confusion at Frank’s Pizza Sparks Local Economic Crisis

March 29, 2025ByIn,
East Brunswick Woman Quoted $19.50 for Pizza Lunch, Briefly Considers Taking Out a Loan In a tale that has shaken the community more than a missed garbage pickup or a downed tree on Summerhill, an East Brunswick woman walked into Frank’s Pizza at Mid-State Mall expecting lunch—and left with a fresh slice of existential dread....
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26
Mar

🕷️ The Tarantula Tenant: East Brunswick’s Latest Rental Scandal 🐍

March 26, 2025ByIn,
“All we asked for was proof of income, not a zoo permit.” It started with a post. A simple, innocent question from Jordan:“Hey everyone! My husband and I own a rental, and we just had an applicant with two tarantulas, two boa constrictors, two frogs, and two lizards. We’ve never seen this before. Just curious,...
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25
Mar

Welcome to East Brunswick: Where Time Stands Still and Traffic Doesn’t

March 25, 2025ByIn,
“You can’t spell congestion without E-B.” Joe started it. “I have no idea how East Brunswick is even a decent town anymore,” he typed in all caps lock energy, even though he didn’t use caps. “40 minutes to get out of East Brunswick today! Let’s build 100 more complexes so we can’t even move in...
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23
Mar

Bar Louie at Brunswick Square Closes—Another Victim of Its Own Vibe (and Service)

March 23, 2025ByIn,
H2: The Bar That Made You Thirsty—By Making You Wait Well, folks, it’s official—Bar Louie at Brunswick Square Mall has closed its doors. Pour one out (yourself, because no one from Bar Louie’s old crew is coming to do it for you). For those unfamiliar, Bar Louie wasn’t just a bar—it was an experience. Mostly...
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12
Mar

Chemtrails Over East Brunswick? Facebook Investigators Weigh In!

March 12, 2025ByIn,
Eyes on EB Has Been a Little Too Serious Lately… So Let’s Have Some Fun! East Brunswick residents awoke this morning to a sky so suspiciously streaked with smoke that Facebook’s finest minds immediately took action. Was it jet fuel? A government experiment? Or perhaps the long-awaited return of the Chemtrail Cabal™, determined to keep...
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27
Feb

A Luxurious New Office for VV and Bergermeister Bernie

February 27, 2025ByIn,
The Taxpayer’s Palace: East Brunswick, welcome to the latest chapter in our ongoing saga of fiscal brilliance. Once upon a time, the Board of Education told us we needed emergency classroom units—the TCU trailers—so urgently that millions of taxpayer dollars had to be thrown at them. Then we realized we didn’t actually need them. Then...
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22
Feb

East Brunswick Needs COC: Oversight Like Never Before!

February 22, 2025ByIn,
East Brunswick—It’s a fact universally acknowledged that when a community cares deeply about its education system, a simple Board of Education just won’t cut it. Enter the need for a Citizens’ Oversight Committee (COC)—and not just any COC, we’re talking a Big COC. Who’s Got the Biggest COC? The quest for COC isn’t just about...
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21
Feb

Eyes on EB Derangement Syndrome

February 21, 2025ByIn,
When Men Just Can’t Take a Joke Women Love Eyes on EB—Their Husbands, Not So Much There’s a new epidemic sweeping East Brunswick, and no, it’s not another tax increase—it’s Eyes on EB Derangement Syndrome (EOEB-DS). It primarily affects middle-aged men who take life way too seriously, spend too much time being outraged, and have...
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20
Feb

If You Hate Eyes on EB, You’re Probably Bad in Bed

February 20, 2025ByIn,
Let’s be honest—if our little local blog gets you all worked up, you might have bigger issues than the latest East Brunswick drama. After all, enjoying a good read requires an appreciation for wit, timing, and a little bit of passion—three things that, let’s face it, also apply to other important areas of life. The...
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