In a bold throwback to traditional politics, East Brunswick candidates are once again hitting the pavement, taking a page from the ancient Jehovah’s Witnesses playbook with a return to door-knocking. This not-so-novel strategy has residents recalling a simpler, albeit annoying, time when the only knocks on doors were either to share scripture or sell vacuum cleaners.
The Renaissance of Rapping on Doors
“It’s a time-honored tradition,” claims Dave, a seasoned campaign strategist. “We figured since nobody reads emails and everyone blocks ads, why not go back to basics? After all, what’s more personal than invading someone’s personal space?”
This strategy shift comes at a time when most people prefer their interactions digital and their dinners uninterrupted. The local reaction has been a mix of mild amusement and deep irritation.
A Community’s Lament: From Doorbells to Despair
“I thought technology was supposed to eliminate this kind of thing,” laments O.D., who was recently interrupted during his morning Peloton Ride with the hottest trainer, Kendall Toole’s. “The only person I expect at my door these days is the grumpy guy from EB Chinese with my takeout. At least he brings wontons instead of campaign promises.”
Same G. agrees, “If I’m going to pause my life for someone, they better be holding a bag of food or a check from Publishers Clearing House, not a clipboard and a grin.”
Knock, Knock. Who’s There? Your Local Candidate!
As the political season unfolds, the art of door-knocking is not only about persistence but also endurance. Residents compare politicians’ tenacity to that of Jehovah’s Witnesses, both celebrated and notorious for their unwavering commitment to door-front engagement.
“Both groups have the knock-and-talk down to a science,” observes a local political analyst. “Though, I’d argue Jehovah’s Witnesses are a bit more welcome—they occasionally leave literature that’s good for a read. Politicians just leave you wondering how quickly you can close the door without being rude.”
The Knock is Eternal
With door-knocking making a grand resurgence, it seems candidates are committed to making personal connections, even if those connections are met with groans rather than grins. This election season, as you hear the dreaded knock, remember: whether it’s salvation or political salvation at your doorstep, the choice to engage—or hide behind the couch—is still yours.
As for the residents of East Brunswick, the consensus remains: unless you’re delivering fried rice, please knock elsewhere.
